All Together Now

All together now

On a recent break from tour (one day exactly) I went and saw a high school production of Pippin that was choreographed by Colleen’s sister. If you haven’t checked out the high school theatre scene in your area… do it. If you really love yourself RUN don’t walk to catch Guys and Dolls, or State Fair or maybe if you’re really lucky maybe they’ll do CATS.

Now let it be known that the choreography was great! Not just because it was my girlfriend’s sister, it was actually quite good. Dance is something that is hard to fake, either you look good moving or you don’t… and the kids looked really good. And that is the last positive thing I will have to say for this blog entry.

So for starters the school was doing Pippin. I’m sorry if I offend any musical theatre types but Pippin sucks. It’s like a boring, meandering and anti-climactic version of Camelot. It’s like King Arthur minus everything good and starring Ashton Kutcher. So why would anyone want to do this hodgepodge of poop? Well apparently the story is lacking (and I mean LACKING) but the music is very good. Which brings me to my next point.

If you choose a show because the music is stellar you might want to cast someone who can make sounds on command. The actor playing Pippin could not sing. He wasn’t awful. It’s not like he sounded like a disabled monkey being raped by a bear, however there were a few very important and climactic notes that Pippin could not hit. You could hear the notes coming a mile away and you knew he wouldn’t hit them. It was the musical equivalent of watching someone with leg-braces jump hurdles. You were REALLY hoping this was the hurdle they were going to clear and each time you winced in sympathy when they landed square on their teeth and then the cycle would repeat itself.

So could Pippin act? Well… yes, however Pippin knew he couldn’t sing. And the audience knew that Pippin knew that Pippin couldn’t sing. And Pippin knew that the audience knew that he knew that he Pippin knew he couldn’t sing. To add to all of that, the audience might have known that Pippin knew that too. You get the idea?

The only saving grace was that the choreography was good and I mean REALLY GOOD but unfortunately the cast couldn’t dance forever. During the first act there were 4 dance routines that not only convinced me not to bite my own tongue off and swallow it but tricked me into thinking that the show would turn around but each time they would stop dancing and start talking, or even worse Pippin would sing. To make things worse, the second act of Pippin has just as many dance routines as Fox News has fairness and balance. So once again the thought of poisoning myself with my own feces in the bathroom crept back into my mind.

Between dance routines as I looked around the room for entertainment and reasons to live I noticed a man in the orchestra pit shaking violently. Upon further inspection he seemed to be conducting. I say “seemed to be conducting” because there was NO ONE PLAYING INSTRUMENTS! Now since that’s bats#^t crazy I figured I just couln’t see the high school band. In the second act we all moved to empty seats in the second row to take a closer look. It was a confirmed crazy sighting. I’m talking Mrs. Havisham crazy and since there were no dance routines in the second act I was able to spend most my time watching Conductor Boo Radley. I feel that one of the greatest educational experiences a person can have is to watch someone who is absolutely clinically clusterf#*k crazy in their natural environment. It was stunning; like a view from a mountaintop or watching Rome burn. This man was standing in a center-stage pit, lit up, in front of about 300 people conducting furiously to Macintosh computer that only required him to press ENTER when it was time for Pippin to howl at the moon.

The real tragedy of Pippin was that if the show was orchestrated on Garage Band, couldn’t conductor Boo Radley have dropped the songs into a key that Pippin could hit?!! If you’re going to do a terrible show that has great music then cast a kid who sings like a cripple runs and orchestrate the entire score of the show on your laptop THROW THE KID A F%*KING BONE! That’s like riding a golf cart past an old woman whose leg YOU BROKE and telling her that you’ll meet her at the hospital.

"I Don't even like gas, I don't even know what gas is, gas gives me hives"

So i convinced Tia, Terry, and Colleen to come to the gay club Pegasus in Pittsburgh after a long day of load in, children's show, load out.  We figured there should be some time for Party hard in this mix. Little did I know the adventure that was to occur.  We got to a minute away from our destination and ran out of gas in the van.  Then tried to ask locals where the nearest gas station was, while using the GPS.  We tried three places before we found an open gas station.  Mind you, we would never have found said station, had Terry not got out of the van at gas station number 2 and looked around.  Finally after our extreme adventure of driving up the steepest hills in Pittsburgh with no gas, we made it to Pegasus.  Not considering the day of the week we found the bar mostly empty.  We got over it pretty quick and had ourselves some drinks to relax from our very stressful ride over.  While sitting at the bar we noticed a rather attractive Go-Go boy who wasn't really doing any dancing.  At one point a creepy 40 something-year-old man sat down next to the Go-Go boy.  Eventually, we all went over to talk to Go-Go boy to give him company other than the creepy man. Go-Go boy turned out to have a name other than Go-Go Boy (go figure).  It was Jay.  We talked to Jay and the female bar tender for a little while and found Jay also did children's theatre and was a dancer.  After some nice chit-chatting we called it a night. Jay said to come back on Friday because it would be more eventful and he wouldn't have to be working.  At this point I may have given him my number (readers choice).  We then returned to our lovely hotel rooms at the Crown Plaza.  From this night we learned: 1. make sure you have gas before driving into a city. 2. The GPS doesn't always know where you are. 3. Dana Cook's Comedy can relate to any situation.

Eyes

So Miranda, Tia, and I went into New York today.  After performing twice this morning. Sidebar, both performances went really well and the talkback after the second show was awesome.  Anyways, they both told me we should go into the city and as our usual social coordinator i thought it would be nice to just follow for a change.  So we got into the city and had a very nice dinner at some random restaurant (I don't know the name because I was on the phone when they were picking and I just followed).  We then went our own ways. I met up with Kennedy and we went to visit Joel at the restaurant he works at.  This led to my current buzzed state.  After some delightful wine I headed downtown to meet up with the girls and head home.

This leads me to my blog topic.  The eye are a very interesting part of the human "pick up" process.  We were sitting on the PATH train attempting to get home and at one of our change overs Tia noticed a very cute man checking me out.  I eventually noticed Mr. Eyes as well.  Then we got on our transfer and he stood right near us.  Which led to our back and forth eye tennis.  I would look at him and he would catch me looking.  Then he would look at me and I would catch him.  We would lock gaze for 5 seconds and I would smile.  Then he would smile back.  Then i might of winked (I can't help that I'm a flirt.) This is the most interesting game that everyone plays in life at some point or another.  I even "dragged my feet" after getting off the train walking to our taxi to see if he would do anything.  I used the quotes there because Miranda said that.  I don't think I was dragging my feet, just walking a little slower than usual. Have you ever wanted to just walk up to someone that has been starring at you in a public setting and write your number on their hand or something.  Well the thought crossed my mind, and I did have a pen in my pocket.  But alas I was not that bold.  How do people meet through public settings? Were does the boldness come from of just talking to a stranger.  I mean its a big enough step to assume that the other person might be interested.  Little lone and the fact of their sexual persuasion into the mix and the odds are against you.  How to people meet in a public setting?  It is such a simple concept, that seems so challenging in practice.  Mr. Eyes got into a cab and made no advances, so lord know where he ended up.  For a brief while our cabs were following one another.  But eventually due to stop lights he was gone off into the distance.  Life is strange.  This Blog makes no sense but I'm sure you'll get over it.  I just needed to vent about the random happenings of life.  Hope you enjoy.  Sorry the Wedding video isn't up i will try my hardest to put in on the blog.  Recently the internet at our hotels hasn't been strong enough.  But eventually I will win.  good night people

~Dany

Ben And Jerry's Part 3

THE END!!!

Ben And Jerry's Part 2

Here is part two.  You catch us mid conquest.  You will notice some where doing there part to finish of the ice cream better than others. ENJOY!!!

~Dany

Ben and Jerry's Part 1

This fine people is the beginning of the Vermontster.  I apologize for the lack of editing. enjoy!!

~Dany

Long Island City

Useless.

~ Tia and Miranda (And the rest of the group thought so too)

Velveteen Rabbits watching Barack Obama become President: Priceless

New London to Burlington: A Synopsis

Halloween (New London): Miranda- Farm Girl, Tia- Last Leaf of Autumn, Tyler (Tia's BF)- Dany Guy, Dave- Ghost of Nomar Garcia-Parra, Terry- Fear/The Republican Agenda, Colleen- Sarah Palin, Dany- Bristol Palin (her pregnant daughter). Drinks were had at a local pub in Mystic, CT. Then the fun moved to Foxwoods casino which is like the Emerald City. There several of us entered a very biased costume competition which none of us won. Who wants $200 worth of Hard Rock merchandise any way?

Dinner with the Guys (New London): Dinner with Dany's parents and sister, that is. The lovely Guys took us to a family style BBQ restaurant outside of New London. Lisa was kind enough to supply us with plenty of beer and cookies. The food was great and much fun was had by all.

Burlington (Burlington): This is one cool town with a beautiful little theatre. The local union crew all looked like pirates and were one of the nicest and most efficient crews we worked with. However, Tom (who looked like Johnny Depp and fixed our Magic Table)(and thus we loved him) was perhaps too efficient. He packed our Magic Table with only THREE LEGS!..... what do we learn here? Stay off of drugs, kids. Also another "efficient" crew member dropped a cable ramp on Miranda's head giving her a mild concussion. Ouch. And then there was Leo. mmm.

Ben and Jerry's (Near Burlington): Vermonster= 20 scoops of ice cream, 4 cookies, large brownies, 4 bananas, 4 toppings, lots of hot fudge, lots of walnuts, and whipped cream. The 7 of us ate it in 20 minutes. There is a video to come. Much fun. On the way out of the parking lot Tia "dinged" the van. That's all we need to say.

The Wedding (Somewhere, MA): In honor of last year's tour and following Jamie's wishes, the second ever Velveteen Rabbit/Religion of Concentric Circles gay wedding was had in a Friendly's parking-lot. (A lovely atmosphere) Miranda and Tia exchanged vows written on place-mats and presented each other with rings made of 14 carat straw wrapper. Terry presided as a Low Priest of the Religion of Concentric Circles. Dany gave away Tia while Colleen sent off Miranda. Dave made a beautiful flower girl, and Matt provided music and videoed the entire ceremony. Video to come. (Dany, get on it!)

Tia and Miranda are accepting gifts at this time. Check out Victoriassecret.com for registry.

~ Miranda and Tia

Obama Rocks Out!

Obama the Finger Puppet gives a speech the day before elections. ENJOY!!

Christian Pornography

What happens when you and your girlfriend google the term "Christian Pornography"?
Some pretty great stuff!
Usually the two words were in the same paragraph describing the Christian response
to mainstream pornography. It never described actual pornography by and for
Christians... except for one sight.

www.sexinchrist.com

My friends if you have not been to sexinchrist.com I STRONGLY URGE YOU TO GO.
Please please please go today! Sexinchrist.com is a website dedicated
to the scriptural justification of everything sexual under the sun and then
a little. You can't make up what is found on this site.
I fear that I can't do justice to what I found there...

but I'll try anyway.

It doesn't say who runs the site. This is a shame. I almost wish there were
pictures of the men (and believe me it's men that run this site) who have taken
the time out of their clearly under-sexed lives to find scriptural precedent for
pornography of a Christian persuasion, Christian bondage or why God wants us
to masturbate (in a Christian manner of course). I imagine these men would look
like the owner of the comic book store in The Simpsons.

There were also no pictures of the things they were discussing.
This was also a shame because I really wanted to see pictures next
to the corresponding essay titles. What would be an appropriate
graphic for the essay "Bare Before God... Shaving and the Bible"?
Better yet what sort of thumbnail would accurately sum up
"Masturbation, God's Great Gift to Us"?

I would like to take credit for these titles, but alas I cannot.
When you go to sexinchrist.com you will see for yourself some
of the most insightful essay titles dealing with Christian-minded
sexual deviancy on the internet today.

Then there's the text. What would a Christian (male) oriented
alternative lifestyle website be without good copy? It wouldn't be worth
the pillar of salt that Lot's wife turned into when looking back onto the
"Israelis Gone Wild" episode that was known as Sodom and Gamorah.
For example:

“If you’re going to have anal sex, why not just have regular sex?”
This is a good question: If you’re going to have sexual contact before marriage, why not just go the whole nine yards and have regular sex? There are many good reasons for having anal sex instead. The first reason is practical: having conventional vaginal intercourse can lead to unwanted pregnancies.
Second, for a young woman who has never engaged in sexual intercourse, having anal sex allows her to preserve her virginity (i.e., maintain an intact hymen) until marriage. There is no greater gift that a bride can give than to offer her pure, unsullied maidenhead to her husband on their wedding night.

Let me reiterate that this is REAL TEXT.

One last example:
Fisting as an Act of Faith
Before attempting fisting, a Christian husband and wife should pray together and ask for divine guidance. The husband should ask that God guide his hand and work through him, and for the skill and patience to fist his wife correctly and maximize her pleasure. The wife should pray for openness and readiness to receive God’s love and grace in the form of her husband’s hand.

In case you forgot... REAL TEXT!

In some parts they actually quote scripture (vaguely) to make cases for anything and
everything you can think of that two (or more) people can do in bed. So if you've been
wondering how God feels about you shaving your pubic hair or whether or not you should
take it in the back door you now have a resource at your disposal. If they don't already have
a section for your divinely deviant behavior fear not... they have a question and answer forum
that you can write into!

(which by the by is the best part)
www.sexinchrist.com

-Terry

For Your Amusement

So this is a video from the Wife Carrying Contest at Sunday River Maine.  I taped this while watching the race.  It's a crowd pleaser. Enjoy...

~Dany