Every year I sublet my room so that while I'm out I don't have to pay rent on a place I'm not living in. This year I posted on Craigslist to find a subletter. Someone suggested the Philadelphia Theatre Alliance Listserv, but I was afraid that asking actors to sublet my place would be an invitation to crazy... I'm starting to think that maybe I'm the invitation to crazy.
Within hours of posting on Craigslist I received inquiries from southeast Asia, west Africa,
and a man who was could have been a cameo on Will and Grace with a Paris Hilton designer
dog. Which one do you think we interviewed?
I couldn't be around for the interview with Chris the fabulous traveling marketing exec and
his sidekick snoopy the droopy designer dog however I was told that he was "crazy but he'll do." According to Chris he has been bouncing around the east coast with his Baltimore-based marketing company for the past few years, is into conspiracy theories (9/11 was an inside job, the wealth of the world is controlled by 7 freemasons, and he thinks the DaVinci Code is a documentary) and finally he is a gay man who loves Sarah Palin (conflict of interests?).
Ok. So crazy the Will and Grace caricature of Oliver Stone can take my room. Cool. We learned before we interviewed Chris that his sister is going through treatment for cancer, probably caused by the radiation from the metal strips in all of our money that the Federal Government uses to track our every move. The first day that Chris was supposed to bring over rent there was a family emergency and he had to drive to rural Pennsylvania to be with his sister during treatment. So he re-scheduled to bring rent by the following Friday. On Friday his car was towed by the Philadelphia Parking Authority, probably as retribution for revealing the true assassins of JFK; a rare collaboration of Jews, Freemasons, The KGB and American Mafia. Ay yai yai!
So Sarah became a bit worried when Chris bailed on two different chances to make rent payments, so she went to www.ripoffreport.com. This is a skeptic's best friend. She entered Chris's name and... SURPRISE it came back with multiple hits. There were multiple reports of a Chris ******* who charged deposit payments for lay-outs in gay publications then would skip town. The reports were from Ft. Lauderdale, FL and in the reports they described Chris's personality to a tee, mentioned that he travelled with a dog and that he had most recently fled to Baltimore, MD; probably to escape the ever watching eyes of The NSA and The World-Bank.
So, because of Chris's erratic personality, failure to pay rent twice in one week due to "emergencies", and then multiple, credible reports of fraud we decided to call the police. The police told us to stop contact with Chris immediately and that we need to be more careful about who we let into the house and that we need to vet people more seriously who might actually live in the house.
So now I have no subletter in my room and I am paying rent on a place I live not in. I have since posted my sublet on the Philadelphia Theatre Alliance listserv and I'm waiting to hear back. I figure no actor could be crazier than Conspiracy Chris the gay marketer and his canine companion who are constantly running from the biggest conspiracy of all, the American Justice System.
This all happened two days before I left town.
It's gonna be a great tour!
-Terry
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